It's difficult for me to blog today. My Mom is very ill and we do not know how much longer she will live. I thought about not posting today, but when thinking about my Mom and the book we are reading about Mary Karr as a Mom struggling with addiction I realized my Mom would want me to write today. She knows how much I love writing and how it helps me to process all things positive and negative. So here I go..a writing... again
On page 256 Mary wrote, " Only an alcoholic can so discombobulate her insides that she might weigh in her hands two choices-a) get drunk and drive into stuff with more molecular density than she has, and b) be a present and loving mother to her son-and, on picking the latter, plunge into despair." Mary really explains at this point in her memoir how addiction is such a deadly disease and how even though one may love their child deeply--the addiction trumps all.
On page 257 she describes walking her young child in the stroller past a bar. " ...Pushing Dev's stroller past the sour fumes of a beer joint's door-have to restrain myself from running in and downing the first Bud I can get my mitts on. These powerful urges are close to complete madness, the old drunk self so fully occupying my body, it's like being possessed." And possessed she is.
I had planned to pick another Oprah pick for December but with the situation with my Mom I am not reading as fast as planned. So we will continue with this Memoir through December. Besides it's a crazy hectic month for everyone.
I am still inspired by my experiment to write, hope you are too, Leslie
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The power of addiction
I think we all know how powerful addiction can be but Mary Karr describes it in a unique way in her chapter titled, " No Mom is an Island." In this part of her Memoir she reflects on how she battled the same addiction with alcohol that her Mom tangled with daily. Mary describes wrangling with her disease and losing the tussle time and time again. Her denial was powerful. I guess we all battle with denial when it comes to painful things about ourselves that we don't want to face. I love her candid honesty. Mary reveals how she chooses booze first before caring for her sick son.
On page 160 she recounts a time when her infant son was very sick. But how her sickness was even greater. " But before I change him, before I squirt the syrupy acetaminophen into his mouth, I haul him whooping down the stairs to the kitchen. I open the stove where a near empty bottle of Jack Daniels squats like the proverbial troll under the bridge. Needing neither glass nor ice, I press my lips to the cool mouth, and it blows into my lungs so I can keep on." Mary wanted so badly to stop the elements of the disease but it was as if she had no control over her impulses. The alcohol ruled.
To hide her abuse from her husband she would often drive around at dawn dumping bottles in various trash cans in her suburban neighborhood so he could never fully realize how much she was consuming. As she continues to want to quit she finds herself trapped in a cycle she can't exit.
On page 171 she describes the power of this addiction,"I keep getting drunk. There's no more interesting way to say it. Only drunk does the volume crank down. Liquor no longer lets me bullshit myself...it shrinks me to a plodding zombie state in which one day smudges into every other- it blurs time." Later on this page she writes, " I'm surprised by my own shitfaced state...I once more, with feeling-take the pledge to quit drinking. Cross my heart. Pinky swear to myself. This is it, I say, the last night I sit here.
But of course this is just the start of her stopping. She's stuck against the power of addiction and denial.
On page 160 she recounts a time when her infant son was very sick. But how her sickness was even greater. " But before I change him, before I squirt the syrupy acetaminophen into his mouth, I haul him whooping down the stairs to the kitchen. I open the stove where a near empty bottle of Jack Daniels squats like the proverbial troll under the bridge. Needing neither glass nor ice, I press my lips to the cool mouth, and it blows into my lungs so I can keep on." Mary wanted so badly to stop the elements of the disease but it was as if she had no control over her impulses. The alcohol ruled.
To hide her abuse from her husband she would often drive around at dawn dumping bottles in various trash cans in her suburban neighborhood so he could never fully realize how much she was consuming. As she continues to want to quit she finds herself trapped in a cycle she can't exit.
On page 171 she describes the power of this addiction,"I keep getting drunk. There's no more interesting way to say it. Only drunk does the volume crank down. Liquor no longer lets me bullshit myself...it shrinks me to a plodding zombie state in which one day smudges into every other- it blurs time." Later on this page she writes, " I'm surprised by my own shitfaced state...I once more, with feeling-take the pledge to quit drinking. Cross my heart. Pinky swear to myself. This is it, I say, the last night I sit here.
But of course this is just the start of her stopping. She's stuck against the power of addiction and denial.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The holidays highlight Mary's alcoholism
Reading Mary Karr's memoir "Lit" as Thanksgiving approaches can be rough. Reading about her struggles with her parents and then as a wife and then as a parent is also challenging at this time of year. What tops it all off is that my Mom is in the hospital right now and seeing her suffer reminds me of our own difficult history as I read this memoir.
But reading about Mary's struggles surprisingly inspires me too. She has, as we now know, come out of all that hell and become a best-selling noted author. And isn't that a victory even amid a torrential terrible past? I also love her ability to so honestly share her sadness about the aspects of her life that did not go as planned.
On page 87 she writes, " I set out to forge a family, but it fell apart. Know any divorcee who ever stops weighing fault for a marriage's implosion some divine scales?" I like the way she describes the ending of her marriage by describing the beginning. I also like how she honestly explains, " I was too shitfaced at the end" to perhaps remember the unravelling correctly, but the beginning was clear. " Driving east with all my belongings wedged into Warren's small white car, I feel swept off my feet as any storybook maiden by her champion. It's Thanksgiving weekend, and the holiday burger taken at a roadside diner is a feast."
She reflects on the beginning of her end with him in this way, " The weak spots in our union are there from the git-go-aren't they always? But every difference lures me, for if I can yield to warren's way of being, his cool certainty can replace my ragtag-intermittently drunken-lurching around."
Mary Karr writes wonderfully about how her alcohol abuse affects every aspect of her life and even her memory of it. I am continually inspired to read more and write more as I eat up every delicious bit of this writer's words. She is gifted and I am inspired. My experiment continues and I hope you join me with your thoughts--
Let creativity reign this holiday season--happy reading-Leslie
But reading about Mary's struggles surprisingly inspires me too. She has, as we now know, come out of all that hell and become a best-selling noted author. And isn't that a victory even amid a torrential terrible past? I also love her ability to so honestly share her sadness about the aspects of her life that did not go as planned.
On page 87 she writes, " I set out to forge a family, but it fell apart. Know any divorcee who ever stops weighing fault for a marriage's implosion some divine scales?" I like the way she describes the ending of her marriage by describing the beginning. I also like how she honestly explains, " I was too shitfaced at the end" to perhaps remember the unravelling correctly, but the beginning was clear. " Driving east with all my belongings wedged into Warren's small white car, I feel swept off my feet as any storybook maiden by her champion. It's Thanksgiving weekend, and the holiday burger taken at a roadside diner is a feast."
She reflects on the beginning of her end with him in this way, " The weak spots in our union are there from the git-go-aren't they always? But every difference lures me, for if I can yield to warren's way of being, his cool certainty can replace my ragtag-intermittently drunken-lurching around."
Mary Karr writes wonderfully about how her alcohol abuse affects every aspect of her life and even her memory of it. I am continually inspired to read more and write more as I eat up every delicious bit of this writer's words. She is gifted and I am inspired. My experiment continues and I hope you join me with your thoughts--
Let creativity reign this holiday season--happy reading-Leslie
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Oprah highlights the hopes of all writers everywhere
While I was reading Oprah's November issue yesterday I came across a section titled" Finding your voice--Write from the heart. Walk through that door. Don't ever really give up. Three writers on how they discovered who they were meant to be." pages 188 to 190.I love that Oprah uses her magazine to inspire those of us who write. I love that she uses her power to encourage creative souls to keep creating despite the obstacles.
The first excerpt she includes is from our pick of the month, "Lit" by Mary Karr. In this section Mary talks about her struggles along the road of becoming a writer. Then two other writers share their realizations about when they they were stuck creatively and how they broke through. As I face my own challenges to write daily--I am encouraged--their message is simply never ever give up!
So far, my experiment is working. I am inspired. After reading up to page 65 in "Lit" I have been motivated to write an additional 8 pages on my memoir! On page 31 Mary Karr writes about the first time she blacked out due to her drinking. She was only 17. She describes how her mother and father drank and how it led to her love of the buzz.
On page 43 she describes a time when she drank with her father--which seemed to be a normal aspect of her childhood. Her honest writing encourages mine. She wrote about a time with her dad, " The bottle gleamed in the air between us. I took the whiskey, planning a courtesy sip. But the aroma stopped me just as my tongue touched the glass mouth. The warm silk flowered in my mouth and down my gullet, after which a little blue flame of pleasure roared back up my spine. A poof of sequins went sparkling through my middle. As he went to screw the lid back on, my hand swung out of it's own accord , and I said, can I have another taste? The taste started me seeking out more hard liquor once I was back at school..."
Reading really does ignite my creative spirit. I hope it revives yours too.
More inspiration awaits...I can't wait to read on...
The first excerpt she includes is from our pick of the month, "Lit" by Mary Karr. In this section Mary talks about her struggles along the road of becoming a writer. Then two other writers share their realizations about when they they were stuck creatively and how they broke through. As I face my own challenges to write daily--I am encouraged--their message is simply never ever give up!
So far, my experiment is working. I am inspired. After reading up to page 65 in "Lit" I have been motivated to write an additional 8 pages on my memoir! On page 31 Mary Karr writes about the first time she blacked out due to her drinking. She was only 17. She describes how her mother and father drank and how it led to her love of the buzz.
On page 43 she describes a time when she drank with her father--which seemed to be a normal aspect of her childhood. Her honest writing encourages mine. She wrote about a time with her dad, " The bottle gleamed in the air between us. I took the whiskey, planning a courtesy sip. But the aroma stopped me just as my tongue touched the glass mouth. The warm silk flowered in my mouth and down my gullet, after which a little blue flame of pleasure roared back up my spine. A poof of sequins went sparkling through my middle. As he went to screw the lid back on, my hand swung out of it's own accord , and I said, can I have another taste? The taste started me seeking out more hard liquor once I was back at school..."
Reading really does ignite my creative spirit. I hope it revives yours too.
More inspiration awaits...I can't wait to read on...
Monday, November 9, 2009
I love holding a new hardback in my hand
I finally found a moment to drive to the local bookstore and get my copy of "Lit" by Mary Karr. I guess I could have ordered it on Amazon, but I'm still that kid staring at my shimmering beaded doorway crying to Cat Stevens over a lost love. The concept of ordering on-line is still foreign to me, but I am learning to blog! I still love the smell of bookstores. My eyes get big as I scan the shelves. Smelling the card stock and scented candles now placed neatly between new books brings me a feeling of peace.
When I picked up my copy of Oprah's pick for November, "Lit" I held the hardback tightly and felt the joy of touching new binding. Bold. Built to handle being thrown about my car. My Kitchen. My gym bag. Ah yes, new book binding brings me old fashioned fun. Reading the interior flaps which describe the book in detail entices me to go further.
As I started the book I smiled. The loud silence of reading fills my soul. She's a fabulous writer who gets right down to it in this memoir. ( Her third) On page 9 her writing hit me hard. She writes about the Mom she became when her son was only an infant. "Then I started drinking every day and stopped breastfeeding, and tonight, while holding the bottle to his working mouth, I averted my eyes for fear he'd see the gutshot animal I'm morphing into, which mirrors the mother I fled to keep from becoming, the one who shoved me off-Don't hug me, you're making me hot -her tagline."
As we approach Thanksgiving I can't help but think about family--what I appreciate and the tough parts too. This Memoir has already inspired me in my writing as I am working on mine. And I'm only on page 10. Reading great writing is like sitting and listening to a master. Inspiring.
Let me know your thoughts as you get inspired
a writer inspired today, Leslie
When I picked up my copy of Oprah's pick for November, "Lit" I held the hardback tightly and felt the joy of touching new binding. Bold. Built to handle being thrown about my car. My Kitchen. My gym bag. Ah yes, new book binding brings me old fashioned fun. Reading the interior flaps which describe the book in detail entices me to go further.
As I started the book I smiled. The loud silence of reading fills my soul. She's a fabulous writer who gets right down to it in this memoir. ( Her third) On page 9 her writing hit me hard. She writes about the Mom she became when her son was only an infant. "Then I started drinking every day and stopped breastfeeding, and tonight, while holding the bottle to his working mouth, I averted my eyes for fear he'd see the gutshot animal I'm morphing into, which mirrors the mother I fled to keep from becoming, the one who shoved me off-Don't hug me, you're making me hot -her tagline."
As we approach Thanksgiving I can't help but think about family--what I appreciate and the tough parts too. This Memoir has already inspired me in my writing as I am working on mine. And I'm only on page 10. Reading great writing is like sitting and listening to a master. Inspiring.
Let me know your thoughts as you get inspired
a writer inspired today, Leslie
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Learning to read Oprah's reading room reviews
This is the second blog I've ever written in my life and I'm so excited! Since writing my last blog I have had to beg my teenager again to help me learn how to post, publish, comment and, yes, even sign in.
She looked at me during a blog practice session and said, Mom, really, how can you not know how to do this?" I said, "well, honey, when I was your age we didn't have cell phones, e-mail, facebook, my space, twitter or blogs." She stared shocked and said, "Well, how did you communicate with people?" I explained to her how we had to pick up a phone, stop by or write a letter. "Letters, she said softly, I've rarely gotten or written a letter." That's when I realized how far apart our generations are when it comes to technology. Well, at least we both still read books. And on to that....
When I was checking out Oprah's Reading Room in her November Magazine I thought the big black bold titles in front of each review were the book titles, but after going to the book store to buy my first pick for the experiment I've learned two things: One, I was wrong, and two, the book will not be in stores or available on Amazon until next Tuesday, November third. I guess the big bold black lettering headlining each review is the promo, but the book titles are in the text. So, the actual title of my first pick is not "The Road To Poetry", but it's actually "LIT" by Mary Karr. At least I got the author right in my first blog.
Oprah's reviewers say her memoir opens with a letter to her son and "chronicles a decade of motherhood, alcoholism, and a long, skeptical slog toward faith." Sounds inspiring already. Even though I have not read the book yet, this process inspires me. I started writing with fresh vigor yesterday. And any day that I write I know I am inspired. I feel energized. Creativity. Creativity. Creativity. It fills my soul.
I'll be running to the bookstore on Tuesday and I hope you join me. Let's get inspired to create.
Love to all my Internet reading friends. And by the way... my daughter says I'm finally learning technology can be cool.
working on being inspired to write daily, Leslie
She looked at me during a blog practice session and said, Mom, really, how can you not know how to do this?" I said, "well, honey, when I was your age we didn't have cell phones, e-mail, facebook, my space, twitter or blogs." She stared shocked and said, "Well, how did you communicate with people?" I explained to her how we had to pick up a phone, stop by or write a letter. "Letters, she said softly, I've rarely gotten or written a letter." That's when I realized how far apart our generations are when it comes to technology. Well, at least we both still read books. And on to that....
When I was checking out Oprah's Reading Room in her November Magazine I thought the big black bold titles in front of each review were the book titles, but after going to the book store to buy my first pick for the experiment I've learned two things: One, I was wrong, and two, the book will not be in stores or available on Amazon until next Tuesday, November third. I guess the big bold black lettering headlining each review is the promo, but the book titles are in the text. So, the actual title of my first pick is not "The Road To Poetry", but it's actually "LIT" by Mary Karr. At least I got the author right in my first blog.
Oprah's reviewers say her memoir opens with a letter to her son and "chronicles a decade of motherhood, alcoholism, and a long, skeptical slog toward faith." Sounds inspiring already. Even though I have not read the book yet, this process inspires me. I started writing with fresh vigor yesterday. And any day that I write I know I am inspired. I feel energized. Creativity. Creativity. Creativity. It fills my soul.
I'll be running to the bookstore on Tuesday and I hope you join me. Let's get inspired to create.
Love to all my Internet reading friends. And by the way... my daughter says I'm finally learning technology can be cool.
working on being inspired to write daily, Leslie
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
My reading like Oprah experiment begins
I am a writer who needs inspiration every day. I'm constantly struggling against my own demons to write. So as I prayed on this last week I thought I should try a twelve month blogging experiment.
I decided to read one book that Oprah suggests in her monthly reading room in her magazine. I don't have television and Oprah's magazine is my lifeline for inspiration. I always run to the supermarket to buy the latest edition. I want to see how reading one of Oprah's picks might inspire me as a writer. I want to see if any of you out there want to join me in this experiment and share with me how my pick of the month might inspire you with your creative passionate dreams.
I begged my teenage daughter to give me fifteen minutes of her time to help me set up this blog because I had no idea how to do it. I am still in awe of the internet and how it works. Being a kid of the 60's--this whole thing still baffles me.
The November O issue is out so I am starting my reading like Oprah experiment with one of her picks on page 146 in the November issue. The title is "The Road To Poetry" by Mary Karr and it's a Memoir. I am choosing this because one of my writing projects is a memoir . I'll try to read a few chapters every week and blog about how they do or don't inspire me in my writing or in any aspect of my life. Let me know if any one out there in Internet Land would like to join me and let me know how this memoir impacts you. I am also already reading a memoir the author Mary Karr wrote a long, long time ago titled " The Liars Club." When I went to the Tennessee Williams Literary Festival in New Orleans two years ago, a New York Times bestselling author suggested this Memoir to all aspiring memoir writers-- so I bought it fast.
Well, here goes...Hoping Reading Like Oprah can inspire me...
Writer seeking inspiration, Leslie
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